Monday, September 30, 2013

Life as a constant detour

I was told, on many what-should-you-do-with-your-life occasions, that doing this or that is not for me. That I should rather do those instead. And on as many occasions, I've laughed and continued on my current way until I met the goal.

On many right occasions, the only motivation and drive I've had to do this and that were the feeling that I can do them better than others and the conviction that this somehow bound me, through an unnamed celestial contract, to do them. To set an example for those who would come after me. Leave a road map. Turn on the light at the end of the tunnel before proceeding to the next one.

On other occasions, I've slept into the side road of doing those wrong things because I seemed at first unable to do them well and that defied and challenged me. Those things beckoned to be tried, experienced, and done by me through their exoticism and difference from what I was used to. And on I went, into the Garden of perpetual detours, back-and-forth between old and new, familiar and unfamiliar, meant to be and made to be. North Node and South Node. Until I became lost.

The Archer sets its target, points the arrow, shoots, and, once the arrow has pierced through the center of the bull's eye, moves along to the next target. Never lingering, forever set on new, unconquered territory. The King revels in deserved attention. The Ram bellows its will ahead. The Scorpion descends into hermetic hiding. The Ego disperses.


A side road to feeling nothing is choosing to feel something different than what you are supposed to and expected to. Or what you expect of yourself. Avoiding Art because it damns and doing science instead. Cursing science because it is Da'Ath. Fending magic because it is demonic. Despising culture because it is exoteric, mediocre, and ultimately a filthy lie. Forsaking Punk and DaDa because they are dead. Spitting in the face of Nietzsche because he is dead too. Avoiding the simple life, because you feel you are passed that. Living this and living that but never living life. As life should. Never living fully. All the way, on that one, designated, painful way. For you. Forever taking a detour.